


An effort.

by orphan_account



Category: Snowpiercer
Genre: Lies, Loss, M/M, desicion-making
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-04-09 09:19:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4342922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Curtis is not a man who makes any decisions lightly.<br/>And letting his best friend be butchered was far harder, than anything he's ever expierenced.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An effort.

It takes a great effort to move.

I know it when you are three, and Gilliam takes the knife covered in your mother’s blood from my hands.

I hope he kills you, because right now I can’t do it myself, and the whole tail section stares at me, waiting.  

* * *

 

It takes a great effort to move.

I know it the next moment when Gilliam cuts his own arm off, vomits from pain, straightens himself and begs us to take it, so that we won’t kill you.

I hope that he dies for second, because I can’t take it from him (or imagine looking him in the eye ever again), and finally somebody else does it.

 

* * *

 

It takes a great effort to move.

I know it when you are still three and all I do is hiding in his side of the wagon, while braver and stronger men ahead of us are slaughtering themselves, so that no one will ever repeat what I did.

I hope he sends me there, so they can tear me apart, because I can’t bring myself to do what people of the tail section expect me to do.

 

* * *

 

It takes a great effort to move.

I know it when you are five and you’re screaming in your sleep, calling for your mother.

I hope that someday Tanya will find a way to comfort you, because I have no right to say a word about your loss.

 

* * *

 

It takes a great effort to move.

I know it when you are ten and following me everywhere.

I hope that someone will tell you the truth, because I can’t turn around to look at you and tell you a single word of it.

 

* * *

 

It takes a great effort to move.

I know it when you are fifteen and all you talk about is the goddamn rebellion.

I hope someone will lead us, I hope Gilliam will one day consider and prepare you for this position, because you have a kind heart that is burning with rage so much, the pain shows on your face, and I can’t bear looking at you anymore. Not that it has ever been easy.

 

* * *

 

It takes a great effort to move.

I know it when you are twenty and your dreams have come true – we are in the middle of revolution.

I hope that you will see the victorious day when our people take control of the engine, because I am not sure I can move forward without my second-in-command.

 

* * *

 

It takes a great effort to move.

I know that you’ve just reached the full age upon the Yekaterina Bridge, bruised and covered in blood.

I know it a couple minutes later, when the guardian of the front section holds a knife to your throat.

I know that this is the moment I have to go numb.

I know that this is the moment when you need me stop, and for a brief moment, I do.

I know that if I move forward, my name will be the last word you have ever said in your short little life.

I know that less than an hour ago you have seen the sun for the first time in your life.

I hope that I will not have to hear you shout again, because I run with all my might towards Mason and away from you.   

I want you to know that it took more effort than anything.

It really did.

**Author's Note:**

> I am snowpiercer trash at this moment, and I just needed to get this out.


End file.
